We had a telephone conversation one afternoon that changed my life. My brothers had run into turmoil and I remember clearly the words spoken that day.
"I just don't get it, Kate! I helped him enroll in school, I've given him a place to sleep, and I even pay for his meals!"
He was trying to understand how things had turned out so wrong, when he was trying to do something so right! Because he loved his brother!
On my end of the line I heard myself saying, "Josh, the best thing that you can do for Jacob is set an example for him. Be the best you that you can be, and do not try to fix his life for him. Set an example of what it looks like to be the best you that you can be."
Or something along those lines... all I know is when I spoke those words, the Lord spoke clearly to me about my own life, revealing the essence of my role as wife and mother, and how to fill it.
It became clear to me that I thought that the people in my life needed me desperately. Now with a newborn baby, there is truth to that.
But this was more than that.
It translated to my husband, my mother, my father, my friends, my brothers, and definitely my children. Unknowingly, I thought that I was their salvation. That there was something I owed each of them in order for them to be fulfilled.
And I felt desperate. Of course I'm not enough to fill all of the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs that I see in my family and friends! Of course I couldn't provide ALL that I wanted to on a physical or spiritual level. And of COURSE, I felt exhausted, frustrated, and inadequate from trying!
And when I spoke those words to my brother, the weight that I had been carrying for years, was suddenly lifted. The Lord spoke to my heart directly, and began a beautiful work in my life based on knowing my role.
I knew at that moment, that what I had been missing in order to make the impact that I desired on my family and friends, a positive impact in their life and not negative!, the work would have to begin in my own heart. The Lord had a lot of work to do and still does, but it is in our weaknesses, that we come to depend on the Lord.
2 Corinthians 12:9
New International Version (NIV) 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.I am learning that being a loving, submissive wife that honored and respected my husband is the first part of my role, and takes conscious daily effort. I had to learn to respect his pocket book. Honor his laundry. Honor and respect our home and his family along with mine! I had to learn how to seek God first. How to hold my tongue, control my emotions, and fill up on His love in order to be able to share it.
1 Corinthians 11:3
New International Version (NIV)
3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,[a] and the head of Christ is God.
As I began to fill up on His word and His goodness and share that with my husband, my husband gained strength, courage, peace, joy and his own desire for more of God's presence in our home.
And as our home changed, so have our children, our friends, and our family. Perhaps in small ways, but I am so thankful for the Spirit of the Lord in our lives.
Give up on fear and replace it with trust.
Give up on shame and accept grace.
Accept imperfections and love despite them.
Give up scrutiny for mercy.
Condemnation for edification.
Death for life.
Looking back over my life, I am able to see God's handiwork. I see His faithfulness and love, and that he wasn't kidding when he said He will never leave us or forsake us. I know that where I have been is not where I am, and that where I am is not where I'm going, but I have the peace of the Lord that He will be with me, wherever that may be. I pray we bring Him glory.
