learning and praying.. praying and learning

I've not written here in quite some time. Life and I have been doing an entangling dance full of unforeseen twists and dips and turns and I've been so focused on not falling, well, sometimes that's all that we can do. There are times when we are so desperately vanquished in a learning process, that we are unable to share or even understand, ones self, what it is we are learning. You are simply moving and breathing, and hoping for love as you go. Some have grown tired of such a thing... learning. Some too accustomed, some too arrogant.. some simply too tired or unequipped to continue wading into life's cold, blue waters. Some may simply prefer a cozy cot on the beach near the fireside, avoiding the waters all together. Spectators, they are. Safe, they are. Warm? Afraid? Wise? Useful? ... Happy? Our hearts are all that drive us on.. whether out of fear or love, wisdom or foolery, doubt or belief. It is here, where the decision whether or not to stay by the fire. We don't wear hearts despite popular belief, but our hearts wear us. Never hidden from the world are they. The Lord has shown me that His view of our hearts is a clear one. He sees each of us as precious children. He does not care whether or not we stay by the fire, walk ankle deep for a few moments in the cold, or dive in, surfing each wave under the sun and moon. He cares for us. He longs for us to be well and to be happy, not "even" despite the past, but "definitely" despite the past! As mothers, there are limitless amounts of decisions that will impact our children's lives. We make these decisions daily and we do so with one desire in our hearts. For our children to be happy and healthy. There is no way for us to make the right decision 100% of the time when it comes to raising our children. We are not perfect. Our children are not perfect. But He is perfect. He holds our loved ones in His hands. Not you and I!!! And not only does He hold them, He has greater plans for their lives than we could ever plan or hope for or imagine, just like his plans for you and I.

Prayer: So Father, use me. Help me to exasperate your unending goodness. Father, help me to share your unwavering grace. Father, forgive me for not trusting You. In every moment, I aim to trust you. In my failure, Father, you are my grace. When my soul feels trapped under the waves of life, you Lord, extend your hand toward me and lead me. Out of the waves. Out of the sun. Into the comfort of my loving Father.